so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
