Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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