you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
