Ambien. No doubt about it.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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