the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Bang-toberfest begins!!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
