Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
