Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
we're so committed to being not committed
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
