we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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