When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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