Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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