Kiss
Puke
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
