ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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