I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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