you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
