so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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