You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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