Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
