News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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