Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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