You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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