Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
