i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
