So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
