ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
being pregnant is like rehab
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
