I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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