i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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