They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
