bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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