I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My legs feel like baby dolphins
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
