Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She bit a glass in half.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
