I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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