I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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