He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
