and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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