my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
