My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
