I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
