what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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