sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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