Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize