I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
