Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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