The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
