my phone needs a breathalizer
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
