Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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