So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
