I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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