the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
