I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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