as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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