I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
