the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize