He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
