How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Im part way to drunk.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
