so explain again why im purple
no
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize