i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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