90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
