Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
