i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
