this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
