Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
