I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
No subtext here. People are naked.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize