you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you would pick up someone in the library
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
