I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
