we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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