This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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