so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
