His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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