The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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