when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
