I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
