The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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