If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
this is an emotional support booty call
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
