I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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