Non-Jews are for practice
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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