Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i believe in u and ur pee
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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