i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
