You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize