Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
