Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize