are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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