just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
