i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
