My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
