i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize