I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dick very happy bro
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
