so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
