This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Randomize
