I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
