they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize