sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
