what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
