Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
They have beer where we have blood.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
