I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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