Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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