I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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