does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We're too hungover to prance.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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