Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
