I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
