I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize