hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Randomize
